you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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