girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
