Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Less talking, more tequila
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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