Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
