You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
