so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize