Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
