So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
