had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
