I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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