how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think your dad took our porno
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize