we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
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So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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