I just saw a hot homeless man
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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