dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
