i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
