Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
