Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
