I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just had sex bonerless
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
