You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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