I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize