And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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