I wannas sexs uuuuu
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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