i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
