Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He did a backflip because drugs
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
