operation harelip BJ is a go
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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