I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Someone shattered a urinal.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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