Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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