ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
