Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
