Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
