We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
