Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
