spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
