I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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