All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm eating all of the evidence.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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