grandma shit on top of the toilet
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think I sprained my soul last night
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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