Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize