well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize