you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
