No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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