i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
