Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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