when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
