I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
