Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
