my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
