You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Semen is not good for contacts.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
