You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
