mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
