Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
