I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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