The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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