you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
