I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
