I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
People in love make me want to vomit
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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