and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
