just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
