You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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