You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
