I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
