This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
