He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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