I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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