I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
