Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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