loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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