I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
