Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
