i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
