I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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