I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
