I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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