Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
