You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
