just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
