Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
