Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
