i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize