He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
