Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
