Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
