It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
