My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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