They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
