I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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