I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
handjob tips. give me some.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
