1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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