would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
