I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
